Sunday, March 9, 2014

Strong enough?

h     Life the past couple of weeks has resembled a roller coaster to me, and particularly reminds me of one in particular. I must admit, I like roller coasters. I'm not as fond of the big metal ones that go 60+ mph and 100 ft in the air, but I end up enjoying those when I ride them anyway. The one I am thinking of is probably my favorite, though. It is in a lesser-known park called Kennywood right outside Pittsburg, and in the back of this part of this park is an old wooden roller coaster called the Thunderbolt, if memory serves. It was fantastic, though, because it went fast, had great turns and rises and dips, and was just laid out great. The first time I was at Kennywood, we didn't end up getting to the ride until it was dark out, and that only made it more fun. You see, the first half of the ride had floodlights, but the last half was flooded with darkness, so you didn't really know what was coming next on the track. In a roller coaster, this is incredible fun. In life, its slighly less so. 
     I was listening to the song "Strong Enough" by Matthew West. It immediately caught my attention, with the lyrics "you must think I'm strong to give me what I'm going through," because it pretty perfectly summed up my recent feelings. It goes on saying how, the singer isn't strong enough to do it on their own, so he gives up to God. And then, I had a bit of a slap in the face from the song. "Well, maybe that's the point, to reach the point of giving up, 'cause when I'm finally at rock bottom, that's when I start looking up and reaching out."
     I would like to laugh ironically at this comment. That also fits so perfectly in my life. I am obstinate enough that surrender is something that is out of reach until I hit rock bottom, which, as far as I'm concerned, I have. I finally got so low that I stopped just looking up and childishly asking, "Well, God? You gonna help me or not?" and started to reach out for help. I finally realized that there is something wrong, and I need to get out of this. 
     So, in this light, is it perhaps not if I am strong enough to handle it all, but am I weak enough to surrended my strength and thus find peace? I don't know if I am, but maybe peace and surrender take time, like I am discovering so many other things do. 

for anyone who might like to see the song, hopefully this link will work.